Hipster Fashion Trends Need to Die!

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Hey hipster! Stop waxing your mustaches, donning skinny pants, drinking IPAs and wearing brightly colored high tops from the 80's. We get it...you're cool.

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I’m talking to you Bearded Skinny Jean Wearing, Mustache Waxing Hipsters

Oh you dear sweet mid-guided, goofy ass hipster. We’ve all been through the proverbial fashion crisis. Present company not excluded, but it’s time if you haven’t seen through the viewfinder of the past and call trends what they are…silly.

Before I even get knee deep in this post. How you express yourself is the first step towards independence. Second Knock it off as soon as possible because we’ve all had an impacted ass full of it.


It’s all nonsense. Far be it from me to talk trash about modern day hipster fashion. I’m a huge proponent, but as a now Dad of 2, I feel like I have to set the record straight. I start this post off admitting I was the guy with skater bangs, I did wear extraordinarily large pants as was the parlance of my time. I partook of the fashion of my day so don’t get your beard out of kilter when I poke fun at what you’re wearing today. If anyone leaves a comment I’ll track down and post my own shame, but until then this is my ongoing diatribe for the roaming packs of hipsters that now pepper the tech-savvy workforce of today.

Sorry hipster Millennials I’m not sorry now put on some normal pants

HipsterI’m glad I didn’t choose my life time uniform when I was a young teen watching Dream a little Dream. I feel like it wouldn’t be a factor that would instill confidence in the work place.


Stop Waxing your beards hipsters, stop looking for obscure neon high tops and stop drinking IPA’s we all know you hate

Fashion is cylindrical it comes back every so often because…well we’re not that clever. If Hollywood has taught us anything is that we are out of ideas. No more so true than when it comes to fashion. Fashion has habitually made a jump back about 3 generations per cycle. What was popular 30 years ago becomes the new trend. That’s exactly why I’ve held onto my parachute pants all these years. They’ll be tight…just like my dressing acumen.


So I’m baffled and simultaneously not by the new hybrid skinny jean wearing, bright high-top donning, beard grooming, brill cream applicating, mustache waxing hipsters that are today’s Millennials. Before you jump to the conclusion that I’m an aging crotchety dinosaur let me settle the proverbial score. I like everyone has had questionable fashion taste. I was there in my own time. I had a tail/ mullet, I wore skids, I was a child of the 80’s.

350-codie-young-caterina-ravaglia-@-vogue-italia-suggestions-august-2011-by-phil-poynter-6All things considered the new tech savvy hipsters look isn’t all that bad. It’s reminiscent of the Mods of days long gone. That being said, I wont wear bright high tops..again, I will never wear skinny jeans and I will never grow a mustache that requires waxing.

Maybe I miss dressing up

Young OnesI guess I’m jealous. I miss the carefree days of putting on the costume du jour. I miss dying my hair every color under the sun. I miss shopping in thrift stores and steeling bowling shoes. I miss wearing campy 70’s pleather overcoats and suit vests. I miss wearing burgundy, oil resistant, fat resistant, wing tip Doc Martins.

SLC Punk

I don’t miss the amount of effort it takes to pretend you don’t care what everyone thinks. Fashion is what it is. It’s fun and makes life’s palette brighter and more vibrant. It also gives the rest of us something to talk about as I’m sure everyone else did when I was wearing the costume of angry, pensive, insecure teenage me.

Punk Rock

The truth is you’re all trying to find your hipster selves. So I applaud you. Now take a physical picture, put it in a book; that’s the paper version kindle, iPad, etc, and put it on a shelf. Open it 10 years from now and have a good laugh. Fashion makes fools of us all. It has since the dawn of time and will continue to do so until the last Varvatos has breathed his last breath. Shine on you crazy diamonds.

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